Tonight, whilst you’re trying to cook a dinner for your family, whilst also suffering an awful migraine on top of the usual dysautonomia symptoms, the 2 year old does the most mahoosive poo you have ever set eyes on – an impressive mixture of a large lump of squishy brown playdough combined with copious amounts of what appears to be mulligatawny soup – in his washable nappy!
So you turn the dinner down on the hob so you can go and change him.
Whilst he is lying down and you’re reaching for another washable wipe from the tub, he drops the toy train you’d given him to distract him and keep his hands away from the danger zone, puts his hand down to touch the danger zone, and ends up with a poo-covered hand.
Then he manages to touch the carpet with his poo-covered hand before you have time to grab said hand and wipe the poo off!
You manage to wipe most of the poo from his hand, and decide the (beige) carpet will have to wait for now as it’s more crucial to defuse the ticking poo bombs as soon as possible before any more go off, spreading even more poo devastation.
You want to hand him something else to keep his hands away again but are now aware that it’ll have to be something that can easily be cleaned, since now he also has hands that need a proper wash with full soap and water!
So you hand him a plastic ball.
As you’re continuing to wipe him up, he throws the ball and it lands in the middle of the nappy and also gets covered in poo!
Eventually, you manage to avoid spreading any more poo around and prevent the toddler from getting any more on himself, and get the clean nappy on him.
You now have a poo-filled nappy, some poo-covered wipes, and a poo-covered plastic ball to clean up, so you coax the toddler to come with you to the loo (because you can’t leave him unsupervised in the lounge if you want him and all the belongings in there to remain safe and unbroken!).
You chuck the ball and wipes in the sink.
Because the nappy is so smothered in poo, you have to give it a shake and a rinse under the flush.
Whilst you’re doing this, trying to breathe through your mouth because the smell is so potent and you’re already feeling sick due to the migraine, the toddler decides this is the perfect time to conduct the experiment he has been waiting to perform his whole life; does the toy car he had managed to pick up without you noticing float in poo-filled toilets…?
So there’s now a poo-covered toy car you need to fish out of the toilet.
With your bare hands because you can’t face trying to persuade the toddler to come with you to find something to fish it out with as he’ll probably have a fit about not observing the entire results of his ‘Do toy cars float in poo-filled toilets?’ experiment.
And you can’t leave him in there whilst you go to find something you can fish a poo-covered toy car out with, because toddlers should never be left alone with poo-filled toilets!
So you put your hands down the toilet and fish out the poo-covered toy car, explaining firmly to the toddler that they should never put their hands down the toilet, EVEN THOUGH Mummy just did, and chuck it in the sink, with the poo-covered plastic ball, and the poo-covered wipes, for scrubbing when you’ve finished with the poo-covered nappy.
Thankfully, the rest of the nappy clean-up continues without mishap.
But now you have a poo-covered toy car, a poo-covered plastic ball, and some poo-covered washable wipes in the sink to clean.
And a sink, which has become poo-covered from the poo-covered contents in it, to clean.
And a poo-covered patch of carpet to clean.
And poo-covered toddler hands to clean.
And poo-covered Mummy hands to clean.
And then get back to cooking dinner.
During which time you will drop a heavy saucepan on your bare toe because, despite having the same issue all your life, you manage to forget that when you pick up heavy saucepans, your wrists have a habit of giving way and dropping them.
And you will hop around, yelling made-up swear words so the impressionable mind of the toddler will not pick up on real ones and speak them as his first words!
Whilst said toddler pulls the contents of the under sink cupboard out and throws them on the floor.
Meaning you also have to put all those back too.
And then 75% of the diners will leave most of the dinner you had lovingly prepared whilst suffering from a migraine, making you vow to just make boiled eggs the next night!
And people wonder what Mothers at home do all day?!
I clean poo-covered items, destroy my toe with a saucepan, and use what tiny bits of energy and time I can find between all that to cook meals that nobody eats.
I shall add that to my CV; I’m sure any employer would be head-hunting me with skills like that…😂
Photo by Jelleke Vanooteghem on Unsplash
“I am 2. I am not terrible…I am frustrated. I am nervous, stressed out, overwhelmed, and confused. I need a hug.”
From the diary of a 2-year-old:
I thought it would be an interesting exercise to spend a couple of days really tuning into my body and document every physical sensation, and some of the accompanying thoughts, to develop total awareness of my natural coping strategies dealing with my EDS symptoms. It was an eye-opening experience as it made me realise just how much I have been operating on auto-pilot for so long, just getting through each day as best I can without really being aware of HOW.
Some of these symptoms have been going on for YEARS! I’ve had the migraines since I was 17, the weak bladder ever since I was born (and having 3 full-term pregnancies hasn’t exactly improved that!), the lower back pain since I was a student in the early 90s. But a lot of the more ‘minor’ aches and pains I was never really fully aware of until now!
Language skills are important to your child’s future.
Strong communication can help them to manage their emotions, develop healthy relationships, and succeed professionally.
As a parent, you can accelerate and enhance their verbal development by the way you interact with your child. Many studies show that talking and reading with your children extensively from an early age helps them to increase their vocabulary and other verbal abilities.
Give your children a head start. Follow these practical tips full of simple and fun activities that will help your child to speak and write more effectively.
Tips for Talking with Your Child:
- Sing and dance. Children enjoy sounds and movement. Music also makes lessons more memorable and demonstrates the rhythm of language. Focus on repetitive lyrics and funny tunes. Our printable Song Sack kit will give you lots of ideas for songs to sing and ways to personalise and vary them.
- Share stories. Make up stories for your children and invite them to create their own tales. Personalize your works by using the names of family members and other familiar information.
- Ask questions. Children learn by asking questions, and answering them can help too. Use open-ended inquiries that will stimulate conversation.
- Play word games. Make learning fun with puzzles, puns, and riddles. Show how words that sound the same can have different meanings. Laugh about silly noises like ducks quacking and balloons popping.
- Discuss routine activities. Turn household chores and errands into teachable moments. Describe what you’re doing as you bake a cake or go shopping for school supplies.
- Follow their lead. Give your child your full attention when they’re talking to you. Build on what they’re saying. Ask them how they feel about various situations.
Tips for Reading with Your Child:
- Create a home library. Fill your home with attractive and enriching books and other reading material. Design an inviting reading nook like a table covered with blankets to look like a fort or a stack of soft pillows on the floor.
- Encourage their interests. Pick books about your child’s favourite subjects. Maybe they’re wild about horses or robots.
- Expand their vocabulary. Teach your child new words. Sound them out together and use them in a sentence.
- Take turns. As your child grows older, they can start reading to you sometimes. Even when they’re small, they can point out pictures and describe them.
- Give gentle feedback. Children are bound to make some interesting guesses as they’re learning about pronunciation and grammar. To guide them without discouraging them, try repeating back the corrected version of what they said while praising them for their efforts.
- Plan field trips. Bring language to life by visiting places where your children can see what they’re learning about. Attend special exhibitions at art and science museums and check the calendars for hands-on family activities. Visit amusement parks, state fairs, and toy stores.
- Limit electronics. Many experts recommend no screen time for children under 2, and limited hours at any age. While some educational programming can be beneficial, interacting face-to-face- with your child builds language skills more effectively than passively watching TV.
- See your pediatrician. Language skills can be affected by other events in your child’s life. For example, they may regress to baby talk during challenging transitions like starting kindergarten or adjusting to a divorce. Talk with your pediatrician if you have any concerns.
Help your child to succeed in school and beyond by teaching them how to express themselves and understand others. Spending time talking and reading with your child draws you closer together while you encourage their growth and development.
Parenting Baby B is a little like taking a 10lb + weight and fixing it permanently to your nipple!!! Your boobs are out more than Kim Kardashian’s butt! But your OWN ass is almost constantly welded to a chair, surrounded by everything you might need for the next 12 hours within grab range – snacks, water bottle, phone, breast pump, laptop, books etc.
Because you’re not going ANYWHERE!! Because whenever you try to unattach the 10lb + weight to do, oh I don’t know, trivial things like go to the loo or grab some more snacks, it gives off an instant loud klaxon noise, to alert the world that horrific child abuse is taking place 😉 And hearing that noise, and seeing that little face so unhappy, hurts my heart more than sitting in one position for hours on end hurts my body, even with my joints seizing up so that when I finally move, I’m like a cripple until I can stretch them out and gently ease them into moving again!
So it’s a good job that 10lb + weight occasionally opens its beautiful blue eyes, looks up at me from beneath long, beautiful eyelashes, and beams the most angelic smiles that would make even Emperor Palpatine turn away from the Dark Side 🙂 And is why, despite the challenges, I wake up every morning, feel my heart burst with pride and joy when I see that little 10 + weight, and attach it to me again, for another day of the same…