Nagging is ineffective and puts a strain on your relationships. Instead, try some of these ways to get what you want. Some are so easy you can start doing them immediately while you build up to the more advanced strategies.
Simple Alternatives to Nagging
- Do the maths! If you still need to convince yourself that nagging fails to get results, try counting how many times you repeat the same request. The tenth time is likely to turn out the same as the first nine attempts. You have everything to gain by trying a new approach, and remember the definition of insanity; doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results!
- Focus on the positive. Keep your eye on the big picture. When you think about how your family, friends and colleagues enrich your life, it’s easier to cut them some slack on the less pleasant details of your interactions.
- Do it yourself. It may be faster and more satisfying to complete a task yourself rather than waiting for someone else to do it. Learn to replace the air filter in your car. Sweep the stairs or wash the dishes even when your spouse was going to do those jobs this week.
- Become more flexible. Let your kids know that you appreciate their willingness to help out even if their methods are different from your own. Smoothing out the bedspread makes the room look tidier even if you have to give up on hospital corners.
- Let others experience the consequences of their decisions/forgetfulness. Maybe your children surprise you with a major craft project due the next morning on the same evening when you usually go grocery shopping. Eating cheese on toast for a week may help them understand the importance of giving you enough notice next time!
- Engage outside help. Consider paying professionals for chores that cause ongoing conflicts. A weekly housecleaning service may be worth the investment, especially if it saves your relationship. Find another parent at your child’s school who wants to take turns driving them to swimming lessons.
- Re-evaluate your priorities. Irritability is often a sign that you’re trying to do too much. Figure out which responsibilities are most important and which you can leave/delegate.
- Embrace technology. Brief text messages and automated calendar reminders deliver the same information with less risk of putting people on the defensive. Remind your partner that you have a dinner party tonight without saying a word.
- Take a time out. Deal with sensitive subjects when you’re feeling calm and collected. Sometimes the best thing you can do is take a walk until you settle down.
More Advanced Alternatives to Nagging
- Address the root issues. Probe more deeply to see if nagging is a symptom of deeper issues in your relationships. Marital counselling or parenting classes may help you get to the bottom of what’s going on.
- Ask for what you want directly. Work up the courage to state what you need clearly and tactfully. One skillful message beats years of beating around the bush.
- Listen well. Practice attentive listening. Concentrate on what the other person is saying and confirm that you understand. It’s easier to cooperate with each other when we feel validated and cared for.
- Nurture your self esteem. Some studies suggest that women are more prone to nagging because they feel like they have less power. Encourage yourself with positive self talk and pursue meaningful goals. Feeling strong and secure makes you less vulnerable to finding faults in others.
If you’re tired of repeating the same requests without getting the results you desire, it’s time to try some alternatives to nagging. Change your expectations and improve your communication skills. You may wind up with a happier family life and a cleaner house.