Category: Mind

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30 Traits of Adult Children of Alcoholics

This is by no means a judgement on parents who are alcoholics or addicted in other ways, as they have difficulties which have caused them to become addicts in the first place.  But it does also need to be acknowledged that children who grow up in alcoholic homes often experience additional difficulties that can make their adult lives more challenging than for children who grow up in emotionally stable homes.

Janet Woititz, John Bradshaw, Claudia Black and many others have written and taught about issues related to adult children of alcoholics (ACOA) for decades. Nonetheless, as long as there are parents who have addictions, there will continue to be new generations of ACOAs.

Common characteristics of adult children of alcoholics:

  1. Are unsure of normal behaviour, therefore, they have to guess at it.
  2. Experience difficulty with follow through.
  3. Often lie when the truth would be easier.
  4. Are their own worst critics, judging themselves harshly, and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
  5. Have difficulty relaxing and having a good time.
  6. Often take themselves very seriously.
  7. Struggle with intimacy.
  8. May be rigid and feel a need to control things, including things that are out of their control.
  9. Have a high need for approval, acknowledgement and acceptance.
  10. Experience themselves as different from other people.
  11. Tend to have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and be concerned with others rather than themselves, or be irresponsible, with a tendency to be impulsive and fail to consider the consequences of their actions.
  12. Are loyal to a fault, even when it is not in their best interest or deserved.
  13. Spend a lot of time cleaning up their mistakes and beating themselves up for bad behaviour.
  14. Frequently feel self-loathing.
  15. Often feel out of control.
  16. May also have addictions.
  17. Have problems with relationships.
  18. Often have dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which they received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for them, or overly independent whereby they feel they have to do everything themselves as they cannot rely on support from anyone.
  19. Have difficulty with boundaries.
  20. Become isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
  21. Become approval seekers and lose their identity in the process.
  22. Are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
  23. Often become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfil their sick abandonment needs.
  24. Live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in love and friendship relationships.
  25. Get guilt feelings when they stand up for themselves instead of giving in to others.
  26. Become addicted to excitement.
  27. Confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people they can “pity” and “rescue.”
  28. Have “stuffed” their feelings from their traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express their feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
  29. Alcoholism is a family disease, and they become para-alcoholics and take on the characteristics of that disease even though they did not pick up the drink.
  30. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

(Adapted from 13 Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics, Janet Woititz, PhD, and the Laundry List of traits from http://www.adultchildren.org).

If you feel you need help as an adult child of an alcoholic, there are various organisations around the world that offer programs of support.

We also have a pack of worksheets to help you identify some of the problems you may be experiencing as an adult child of an alcoholic, and suggested ways to help you resolve some of these issues.

This is available for FREE from our store.

What Happens When You Ignore a Crying Baby

Building emotionally healthy children is such an important part of being a parent, especially as we’re seeing more and more younger people developing mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

And it’s really exhausting and challenging at times too.

So next time you see someone struggling with a crying baby in public, don’t shame them for the baby being noisy but offer support and compassion to the parents to enable them to keep giving the vital support and compassion to their babies. 

#ItTakesAVillage

What Happens When You Ignore A Crying Baby?

Never ignore a crying baby. #Psychology

Posted by Hashem Al-Ghaili on Thursday, January 18, 2018

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Coming Soon!

The step-by-step process for letting go of what others think and living as the REAL you…

This powerful course contains 6 modules and 49 lessons that lead you on a step-by-step journey to true, freeing authenticity. A journey of reflection, clarification, courage, self-acceptance, and love.

A journey to the TRUE you.

In this life-changing course, you’ll learn:

  • How to shed the harmful expectations of others
  • How to discover who YOU truly are (and NOT who others want you to be)
  • How to UNLOCK your true passions
  • How to build UNSHAKABLE self-esteem (that no one else can tear down…)
  • How to let go of mistakes and learn to ACCEPT yourself (and finally move on)
  • How to EMBRACE your individuality
  • How to LOVE yourself (with all your strengths and weaknesses)
  • How to FIND your life purpose and stop wandering from thing to thing
  • How to show the world the REAL you without fear of what they’ll think
  • How to shape and create the JOYFUL life you’ve always wanted by living authentically
  • And so much more!
 

 

There are 6 modules with 49 total lessons.

 

Module #1 – Knowing and Understanding Yourself

You’ll learn how to have a true understanding of who you are. You’ll find your personal identity, discover your deeply cherished values, and learn how to tap into your deepest passions.

The journey to authenticity begins with understanding yourself, finding out who you want to be, and then charting the way forward.

Module #2 – Giving Your Self-Concept A Makeover

Once you understand yourself, you’ll give your self-concept a full makeover.You’ll discover the power of reevaluating your past, building and maintaining unshakable self-esteem, being proactive about increasing your satisfaction in life, and determining who you really want to be.

Module #3 – Learning to Accept Yourself For Who You Are

It’s a beautiful thing to accept yourself without judgment. In this powerful section, you’ll learn what it means to find true self-acceptance.You’ll come to terms with who you really are, let go of your past mistakes, and learn to forgive yourself. You’ll break free from those crippling self-doubts, eliminate your negative self-image, and learn the power of constructing a healthy self-image.

Module #4 – Learning to Love Yourself

Only when you learn to love yourself can you begin to love others. You’re going to finally learn how to embrace your individuality and stop desperately seeking the approval of others.You’ll learn how to avoid the fatal flaw of comparing yourself to others and the power of believing in yourself. Finally, you’ll learn how to love your body, emotional self, intellectual self, and spiritual self.

Module #5 – Determining Your Life Purpose

Through a series of revealing self-questions, you’ll unlock your true life purpose. You’ll also tap into the power of writing and meditation to help you find out what you should focus on for your life purpose.

You’ll learn how to make your purpose an integral part of your life and you’ll discover the amazing benefits of finding your life purpose.

Module #6 – Living Authentically

In this final section, you’ll leverage everything you learned so you can live authentically. You’ll dare to be yourself, reveal your true personality, and find the courage to express your feelings.You’ll present yourself honestly, unlock the power of your inner voice, and develop the courage to create originality. To top it all off, you’ll create a compelling vision of the future for yourself.

Finally, you’re going to…

  •  Create the authentic life you KNOW you were always meant to live.
  • Become a more authentic friend, child, parent, or coworker.
  • FINALLY stop beating yourself up over past mistakes.
  • Learn to start LOVING who you are (and not be dragged by what others think of you).
  • STOP pretending to be something you’re not…and be the REAL you.

Isn’t it time to embrace the life you deserve?

To become the authentic you?

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Frequently Asked Questions

Are there requirements or prerequisites for this course?

There are no prerequisites for this course. It’s open to anyone who wants to increase their satisfaction in life by learning to be authentic.

Your success in this course depends on your willingness to take action. Take the time to do the suggested self-reflections and exercises.

 

What benefits will I receive from this course?

  • You’ll find out what it is to live authentically.
  • You’ll discover a lot about yourself and how you got that way.
  • You’ll learn how to accept yourself and love yourself just the way you are.
  • You’ll understand your own value and what you have to offer the world.
  • You’ll boost your self-confidence.
  • You’ll develop the courage to be yourself around others.
  • You’ll discover your passions and how to enjoy them in your daily life.
  • You’ll see how you can structure your life around what matters most to you.

By living authentically, you can simplify your life, reduce stress, strengthen your relationships, build a more satisfying career, and increase your happiness and fulfilment in life.

 

Is there a particular audience that this course is geared toward?

Those who want to be themselves around others, increase their self-esteem, build their confidence, and live their life according to what’s important to them (not someone else)

 

Uncovering the Links Between Emotional Trauma and Feeling Triggered

This is why it’s so important:

A) to do your own healing work before becoming parents

B) to be aware of the current research into attachment and children’s brain development, and the parenting practices that both contribute to it and can harm it, and

C) learn how to help your children express their emotions so their own issues don’t remain ‘unresolved’ ❤

“NICABM and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy are at the cutting edge of uncovering the links between trauma reactions embedded in the limbic system and inappropriate, uncontrolled reactive behaviours being triggered by outward stimuli.

These defensive reactions – fight, flight, freeze, attachment seeking (sometimes inappropriate), submission/folding/giving up – are evolutionary survival strategies embedded and embodied. They are at the root of attacking others and ourselves. They lie at the heart of the human condition.

Any form of trauma that is unresolved remains “watchfully” nascent within parts of the brain, ready to trigger the defensive reactions whenever resonant circumstances arise in our day to day life.

Early trauma… especially failures in development due to repeated absence of bodily and physiological safety needs along with failures to belong, to be loved, to be esteemed (see Maslow) leave us “chained” to our defences rather than “free to Be” in the world.”