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When Your Partner Says It’s Over; 7 Ways to Cope with Break-Ups

Regardless of where you live, your social status, or your occupation, if you’re a human being you’re likely either involved in a close relationship or hoping to get into or out of one. The human condition is such that we strive to develop a close emotional connection with someone who we can spend our life with.

You’ll probably experience times when you’re with someone who wants to leave the relationship. Those words, “It’s over,” can be some of the most painful words you’ll ever hear.

These suggestions will help you cope with the loss of a love relationship:

    1. Acknowledge that the relationship has ended. You might have difficulty with the idea that you won’t be seeing or spending time with the person anymore. Admit to yourself that however you feel about him/her, it’s done.
    2. Process what happened. This step will be emotionally challenging, yet going through your “emotional file cabinet” of what has gone on in the relationship will ultimately help you get through the break-up. From your point of view, what happened?
    3. Ponder how the two of you related. It’s especially important to be realistic whenever you’re considering the most basic thing about the relationship—how you communicated with each other.
      • How did you get along? Were there times you couldn’t adequately convey your thoughts and needs? Or that he couldn’t convey his ideas and wants to you?
    4. Be honest about what didn’t work between you. Although you might tend to get caught up in the emotional pain and angst of the ending of a relationship, it’s important to have your eyes wide open regarding the rough spots.
      • Sure, maybe you both loved football and enjoyed eating Italian on Friday nights, but what didn’t you do so well together?
      • It will be enlightening for you to get real about what wasn’t working between the two of you. Otherwise, you’ll struggle to draw conclusions about the relationship, which is necessary for you to move on emotionally.
    5. Baby yourself a bit. After all, you’ve been through an emotionally devastating event. Because you want to get through this trauma and live out your life with serenity and happiness, it’s perfectly acceptable to take time to engage in activities that bring comfort and solace.
    6. Be active even if you don’t feel like it. Whether it’s visiting friends or going for your morning jog, continue engaging in an active lifestyle to encourage your emotional healing. You’ll be invigorated by the physical regimen and it will serve to lift your mood.
    7. Draw your own conclusions. As time passes, you’ll notice you’re successfully “sorting out” what happened in your past relationship. And you’ll also see that you’ve formulated your own ideas about what actually occurred between you.
      • For example: “Oh, we just didn’t agree on how a good relationship works” or “He just couldn’t accept that I wanted to spend time with my friends” or “I guess I tried to control how he spent his spare time and he didn’t like that.”
      • Whatever conclusion you arrive at will help you enjoy healthy relationships in the future.

When you hear, “It’s over,” you might be emotionally immobilized. But if you apply these strategies, you’ll skillfully work through the break-up and arrive at your own ideas about why the relationship ended. Then, use that information to aid you in moving on with your life.

You can successfully cope with the aftermath of a lost love to discover your new and improved life that’s waiting.

What to Look For in a Soul Mate

How do you know when you’ve found your soul mate?

Some people will tell you that they “just know”, while others can identify several characteristics and reasons why they seem to perfectly mesh with their relationship counterpart.

For those of us who haven’t found a soul mate yet, there are things we can be looking for to speed up the process. There are always going to be things we like and dislike about others, but the true test is deciding whether or not we can lovingly accept the negative attributes.

Sometimes we care about someone very much, but discover that there is some factor that we simply cannot accept for one reason or another.

Here are some factors to think about when looking for a soul mate:

  1. Morals & Beliefs. Everyone comes with their own set of morals and beliefs. We all know that we should be open, honest, and accepting of others. But oftentimes when our core beliefs differ, it’s hard to have a lasting relationship. This is why you’ll want to have deep discussions about faith, morals, and beliefs with potential partners. If someone isn’t a fit at this deep of a level, you should seriously consider whether the relationship is even worth getting serious about.
  2. Communication. You’ll hear over and over that communication is the key. There are different ways of communicating and you need to figure out the best way to communicate with your partner. At the same time you need to know that you can live with this communication method. Some partners are big on talking, while others are more sensitive to nonverbal communication.
  3. Respect. Does the potential partner respect you, your body, and your family? You’re one of a kind, so you shouldn’t give yourself to just anyone. Make sure he or she takes care of you and your family. You’re worth it!
  4. Family. You need to mesh well with their family and vice versa. Discussions about family also include your hopes and dreams when it comes to your own future family. Do you want to get married someday? If so, how many kids would you like to have?
  5. Personality. Your personality plays a big role in deciding your compatibility with others. However, it’s always up for debate whether or not it’s best to be with someone with a similar personality or someone with an opposite personality. In this case you’ll have to decide your own preference and see how it works out for you.
  6. Hobbies & Interests. It’s pretty certain that you won’t share every hobby and interest that your partner enjoys. However, it definitely helps the relationship when you have things in common. This will provide you with activities to do with each other in order to deepen your relationship. There will also be plenty of topics for conversation.
  7. Conflict. Even the most perfect couples deal with conflict from time to time. Both you and your partner need to learn the best methods to get through arguments effectively. Try not to lash out in anger, instead strive to understand your partner. Instead of playing the blame game, discuss your problems calmly. If your potential mate attacks you or consistently ignores your feelings, then it’s perhaps not a good fit.

Long Term Relationships

When you first meet someone, you may be attracted to his or her looks or personality. As you get to know each other better, you’ll be able to see the clues as to whether or not you’ve found your true soul mate.

Try not to rush things along because anything worth having is worth waiting for! At the same time, you definitely should be having deep conversations about future plans and beliefs at an appropriate time in the relationship. This way if you run into a snag and find out that you can’t be together, you won’t be as emotionally invested. After all, you don’t want to waste as much time in a dead end relationship.

You always have to keep your chin up and have hope. Keep looking with an open heart and mind, because everyone’s soul mate is out there somewhere.

Connecting Through Speaking the Same Love Language

Everyone needs to feel loved. It’s vital to know how you enjoy being loved, but also how to properly love others so they actually FEEL loved by you.  A doctor by the name of Gary Chapman became famous when he wrote a book called The Five Love Languages.


There is a basic breakdown of five different love languages to make it easier for us to identify how to express ourselves to our loved ones. Once you’ve figured out what your partner’s love language is you’ll be able to show them how you feel in a way that is fulfilling to them.

For example, let’s say that your partner likes to hear the words “I love you” often. Even though they know that you love them, just hearing the phrase can brighten their day. But perhaps you thought that you should express your love by buying little gifts. Your loved one likely appreciates the gesture whenever you show your love, but at the same time it’s not their personal preference of how they like to receive love.

The Love Languages Explained

  1. Verbal Lovers. Like the example above, some people just like to hear gestures of love such as “I love you” and “I appreciate everything that you do.” For this type of person, you’ll want to provide constant encouragement, never letting things go unsaid.
    • Try verbalizing your appreciations in some way each day.
    • Don’t assume your partner knows what you’re thinking and feeling – speak up!
  2. Time Well Spent. One of the love languages has to do with spending quality time with your partner. This doesn’t mean just casual conversation; it means the times where your partner is your main focus. If your partner enjoys quality time, here are some things to consider:
    • Choose a certain time each day or week where you’re completely dedicated to your partner. This means that you need to shut off the TV, put down the paper, and take some away from the kids.
    • Think of activities you can do together to really connect.
    • Make sure you have a good relationship with yourself; it’s the only way you can truly connect with your partner.
  3. The Gift Giver. Another love language is one where your partner may enjoy giving and receiving gifts. This isn’t because they’re greedy; it means they’re visual people who enjoy seeing proof of your deepening relationship. If you’re with this type of partner, try these tips:
      • Even if you’re a big saver, make the effort to spend at least a little money or make some homemade or handmade gifts.
      • Leave loving cards and notes for them.
      • Don’t give gifts everyday, but give gifts that are meaningful.
  4. The Chores. We can’t forget the chores when it comes to a language of communication between partners. Since there are many things that need to get done around the house, it often causes problems when you try to figure out who’s doing what. Keep these tips in mind:
      • Everyone has different chores that they deem important.
      • Figure out which ones your partner doesn’t enjoy and do them.
      • Chores involve thinking ahead, which your partner will certainly appreciate.
  5. Physical Affection. The physical affection love language can get complicated. Expressing your love physically doesn’t only mean lovemaking. It involves simple touches too. Each partner will usually have some kind of opinion when it comes to this language:
    • Figure out which kinds of touches your partner enjoys, it may be a gentle rub of their shoulders or some cuddling while watching television.
    • This is equally important; figure out which touches irritate your partner.
    • Get to know your partner’s moods so you know when to express physical affection.

The Combination

Your partner will likely speak a certain combination of these love languages. As your relationship deepens, you’ll get to know your partner better and better. It may even help to outright discuss the topic of love languages with your partner to better understand each other.

 

Further Reading/Resources

The Five Love Languages

Buy the book!

Travelling as a Couple: Tripping Your Way to Love!

Travelling as a Couple: Tripping Your Way to Love!

Enhancing your romantic relationship can be done in many ways. One strategy that can truly enrich your connection is to plan and take a trip together.

Take action with these ideas and deepen your love for each other:

  1. Plan a time to talk about trips you’d like to take. Something magical takes place when a couple shares their travel desires.
    • Listen carefully to what your partner says about the places they want to visit.
    • Can you see it in their eyes—the excitement, the wonder of the locale?
    • Decide on a destination you’ll both enjoy.
  2. Share hopes. As the time for your trip draws nearer, bring it up as a topic of special conversation between just the two of you.
    • Ask what your partner is looking forward to the most.
    • Share what you’re most excited about.
    • Half of the joy you feel about the trip occurs before you actually take the journey.
    • Make the time leading up to your trip one of intimate conversation.
  3. Research some specific romantic locales for the trip. Include some extra-sizzling sites on your itinerary.
    • Romantic experiences can provide the most memorable moments of your trip.  
    • If you’re travelling to an ocean side city, plan a morning or evening walk on the beach.
    • Find a restaurant with a flair for romance, like a private dining room, foods you eat with your fingers, or soft sofa seats made for cuddling.
    • And what’s more romantic than a night out in Paris with the lights of the Eiffel Tower glistening?
  4. Write something romantic to your partner. In anticipation of your trip, write words to express your love to your partner.
    • Compose a poem, buy a greeting card, or simply profess your love in a detailed letter.
    • If you’re an artist, you can even include a picture you sketched.
    • Present your “love letter” to your partner the night before or the morning you leave for your trip. Start off your trip with a great romantic gesture!
  5. Schedule in couple’s time in the hotel. Being alone together in a hotel in an exotic locale will allow you to relax and enjoy each other.
  6. Every year, strive to have a week-long trip alone. Consider yearly trips to be necessary relationship maintenance. If you’re unable to spare the time or money for a week, then shoot for a long weekend.
    • Continue to rediscover what’s special about your partner.
  7. Focus on making frequent eye contact. The eyes are the window to the soul. View every moment of your partner’s reaction to seeing the destination for the first time. If you’re returning to a favourite place, there’s likely some sort of magic there for you.
    • Plan on staying in tune with the love of your life on this trip by gazing into their eyes and renewing the love you share.
  8. Work in a few surprises during your travels. Unexpected pleasures are often the best part of travel. Plan a special dinner your partner doesn’t know about or go on a surprise shopping spree.
    • Be spontaneous! Even walking around a farmers market in the morning in San Francisco or visiting a sacred place can be a truly awesome experience.
  9. Document your memories with a postcard. Here’s a simple suggestion to keep the wonderful memories of the trip alive after it’s over. Find a postcard that captures a wonderful memory and mail it to your partner. 
    • Write something wonderful like, “I’m so glad I got to share this trip with you,” or “I know I’ll remember this vacation forever,” or a simple “I love you more than words can say.”
    • The postcard will likely be delivered before you arrive home or a few days later. Your mate will be touched that you thought to mail them a romantic postcard during the trip.

With a little imagination and effort, you can experience a romantic and memorable time with the love of your life. Trip your way to love this year and every year thereafter.

10 No Cost Winter Activities to Enjoy with Your Partner

10 No Cost Winter Activities to Enjoy with Your Partner

Sometimes it’s tough to come up with new and creative ideas to get you through the winter. Your best bet is to get together with your partner and make lists of things that you both enjoy. Then compare lists and see where you two meet up.

If you’d like to keep expenses to a minimum, the good news is that there are plenty of ways to have an excellent time without spending a dime.

Consider the following ideas as you build your list:

  • Cuddle. Sometimes when you’re both busy, you may forget how good it feels to cuddle up to each other and relax. It’s a great activity to enjoy when things have been stressful and you just need a calm break.
  • Go to a shopping centre. You don’t have to spend money when you go to the mall, although it may be tempting. Walking around a shopping centre can be a great way to get out of the house without having to worry about the cold weather.
  • Listen to music. If you and your partner happen to share some musical tastes, you can always enjoy listening to music together. Chances are you can even find some live music at public winter festivals with no entry fee.
  • Play video games. Video games are a popular choice for people of all tastes and ages. The variety is astounding! You can play a slow paced puzzle game against each other or get involved in more active games. Some of them can really draw you into the action. Plus, there are several free video game sites online.
  • Go to a friend’s house. Gathering with friends is always a good indoor activity you can enjoy together. Invite your friends over to your house for a mini winter party. Have a potluck dinner for a change of pace. This way, you share the cost of entertaining and everyone has fun.
  • Watch a movie. Agree on a genre and then find a good movie to watch together. You may be able to find one on TV or you can rent one for a day for a dollar or two. Afterwards, compare your opinions on the movie or watch the DVD bonuses.
  • Go out in the snow. Take some time to play in the snow. After all, it’s not something that you can do anytime. Put on your winter gear and go for a walk. You can even bring out your inner child and make snow angels, build a funny snowman, or have a snowball fight.
  • Make a meal together. You can still have a romantic dinner even if you aren’t going out. Choose a nice meal that you can cook together. You’re probably used to either you or your partner cooking. It’ll be a nice change to have the two of you in the kitchen together.
  • Share memories. Spend some time reflecting on your past. It’s always fun to recall the beginnings of your relationship. It doesn’t matter if it was months or decades ago. It’s a great way to pass the time with your partner.
  • Play an indoor sport. Find a sport to play with your partner. Your local community centre may provide access to courts as long as you’re a member of the community. Enjoying a sport together can bring you closer together in other areas as well.

Just because it’s cold outside doesn’t mean that you need to sit around and be bored. Try some of these activities together and take advantage of the winter to create some new memories!

Elderly Couple

11 Secrets from Seniors on Finding Lasting Love

Seniors can offer a unique perspective on marriage and lasting love. Their decades of experience can help you find love that lasts.

These are their secrets:

    1. Listen to your family. Couples can benefit from listening to advice from family members. Family members can offer a different viewpoint on the relationship. Their approval may not be necessary for you to find happiness, but seniors state that listening to family matters.
    2. Listen to your friends. Your friends can also offer an interesting perspective on the relationship. Friends who care about your relationship can give advice.
    3. Watch your partner during a game. Seniors recommend playing a board game together and watching your partner’s reaction.Games can reveal your love’s competitive side. They can also show you how they handle stress and rivalry. Watching their reactions and noting patterns will reveal important clues about your compatibility and future. Lasting love is built with care and concern for each other, so watch for clues.
    4. Seek forgiveness. All relationships have issues, but it’s important to seek forgiveness. Instead of keeping score on who should ask for forgiveness first, you can make the smart choice and establish a conversation. Seniors state that forgiveness is essential in a relationship, and it must be meaningful. Dwelling on the issue can make it a bigger challenge. Instead, figure out a way to deal with it as a couple and listen to each other. A mutual decision to avoid resentment can help.
    5. Continue dating each other. Create a date night once a month or more frequently. It can be added to both of your schedules, and you can plan in advance. Dating gives romance new energy, so you can build a stronger relationship.
    6. Watch for common interests. Sharing common interests helps to maintain a relationship. Do you enjoy the same type of movies? Do you like to spend your weekends hiking or exploring new parts of a city? If you share common interests, it’s easier to keep up conversations and find activities you can do together.
    7. Set aside a weekend morning or afternoon to talk. Couples can easily become distracted by work, children, and other activities. However, talking to each other can help you bond. Discussions about your past, present, and future are at the heart of strong relationships. A lasting marriage relies on both partners to communicate frequently and effectively. By setting aside a specific time in your schedule to talk, you’ll rediscover the joy in your connection.
    8. Create a reasonable amount of space. Couples need to do activities together, but they also benefit from having a reasonable amount of alone time.
    9. Make an effort in your appearance. Seniors explain that making an effort to look presentable and beautiful for your partner matters. It’s easy to get distracted and feel tired. Staying in your favourite sweatpants or pyjamas may be more comfortable, but it’s not helping the romance aspect of your relationship. Seniors suggest that both men and women dress up frequently for each other.
    10. Give each other cute pet names. Nicknames can help you bond, and they can help you discover what your partner thinks of you.
    11. Make an effort to support each other. You can find ways to help each other at work and at home. You can attend important events to show others you care about your partner’s job. You can also manage chores by sharing them at home.

Seniors have years of experience in maintaining their relationships. Their advice can help you find true love that lasts forever.

7 Subjects to Talk About Before Marriage or Moving in Together

7 Subjects to Talk About Before Marriage

Effective communication and sharing is crucial in relationships. Discuss these pivotal subjects to better acquaint, inform and increase understanding between you and your partner.

    1. Your financial history. How you manage your money is important to share with your partner.
      • Talk about your credit history, including whether you’ve ever been unable to pay your bills, if you make it a point to pay bills on time, and the extent of your debt.
      • Also, you’ll want to know if your partner is a “saver” or a “spender.”
      • Even if some of your money management history isn’t optimal, this is a topic to be fully open about when you’re about to solidify your relationship.
    2. Thoughts about religion. How important is your faith? What religious traditions do you follow? Do you and your partner need to make some changes to incorporate your spiritual aspects into your relationship?
    3. Ideas about having children and parenting. You might feel like your relationship is a long way from reaching a point where you need to discuss having kids. But if you’re thinking of marriage, this is a necessary talk to have first.
      • Some questions to answer include: whether you want to have kids in the future, the kind of discipline you want to practice, and how many kids you want.
      • Also, finding out your mate’s desires in these areas will also serve to make your life path together smoother.
      • Parenting ideas and beliefs are often emotionally loaded topics and should surely be explored together prior to marriage, especially if one or both of you already have children.
      • If this is a point of contention between you, then come to an agreeable solution or move your separate ways. Don’t expect to change someone’s mind or sweep this issue under the carpet!
    4. Your career goals. Have you considered how your career goals will be impacted by your relationship? Your work life and career aspirations are especially important because they stand to be drastically affected by your decision to marry or reside with your partner.
      • Inform your partner how much you aspire to career-wise. This is something they deserve to be aware of as your career pursuits can alter both of your lives.
    5. Favourite ways to spend “down time.” How you prefer to spend your spare time is integral to your relationship. After all, if you love to read and your partner is an avid sports fan and prefers to socialize with others, some disagreements could result.
      • Being aware of these preferences will go a long way toward a less bumpy road ahead for the two of you. Can you imagine not knowing your cherished partner loves to play drums in his spare time and finding that out after you marry?
    6. Other life aspirations. When talking with your partner, consider all of your life goals.
      • Traveling to Italy, attending a sign language class, doing volunteer work, or even taking in foster children might be on the list.
      • When you consider these examples, it’s easy to recognize why you and your partner can benefit by discussing goals in advance of marriage.
    7. Discuss any other subjects you or your partner wants to know about. The purpose of this is to clear up anything else that’s nagging at you regarding your own life or your partner’s. This will help to address any doubts or questions either of you might have.
    • Doings so allows the both of you to start your precious time together with a clean slate.

Speaking openly and honestly about these topics before marriage will improve your communication and your mutual understanding. Most importantly, ensure you bring up any subjects you believe are important. Your partner will thank you for doing so!